Gaslighting: A Form of Psychological Abuse

Gaslighting: A Form of Psychological Abuse

Often when someone says the word “abuse”— and especially in the context of “domestic abuse”— the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. We picture images of an angry mother shaking or slapping a child, or Ray Rice, the athlete who last year knocked out his girlfriend (now wife) in the elevator of a casino. We do not question that this type of abuse has happened because in a sense, it is tangible— it is something we can see, and it often leaves visible marks.

We have also become increasingly aware of verbal abuse, which is often a predecessor of physical abuse. Chances are if we have a friend whose spouse is name calling or making remarks about being fat, ugly, or stupid, we would insist he/she walk away from that situation.

In most cases, verbal abuse evolves into physical abuse as the abuser becomes more and more comfortable in asserting his authority over his victim.

However, there is another type of abuse that, although it is becoming more talked about in our society, is largely misunderstood. This form of mistreatment is strictly psychological and aptly called “gaslighting,” after the old 1944 film Gaslight. The film portrays the relationship between a husband and wife, and the husband slowly convinces the wife into thinking she is losing her mind.

So, what does gas lighting look like in a relationship? (victim of gaslighting example/story)

I can give you a couple of real life examples, as I was briefly married to a man who did it to me.

The first instance happened shortly after the holidays. We had both just lost our jobs and moved back to Chicago. We literally had one job between us, as I was working in an auto shop as a receptionist. Wanting to make a good impression at the new job and also make some money, I decided to not go home for the holidays with him. Instead, I stayed and worked through Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day, as the shop was closed, I made impromptu plans to spend the day with my friend who lives in the city. I figured it would be a nice distraction to keep from feeling sad about not being able to visit my own family, and at the time, my husband seemed fine about it.

Fast forward to four weeks later, my husband started telling me that it had been more important for me to stay home and go out with my friend than to join him with his family for Christmas. I would hear about this a lot in the months to follow. And no matter how hard I tried to remind him that I had stayed behind to work a few extra days (and agreed that in hindsight, yes, I should have gone home with him), he insisted that was not the reality of the situation.

Around the same time he started reframing my reality of Christmas, he also became upset that I

had not yet changed my last name. Now, I had no problem with changing my name but had put it off due to sheer inconvenience— the trip to the Social Security office, the DMV, the bank,changing my passport, contacting the credit card companies, updating various other accounts, etc. I told him I was sorry, as apparently it was something that meant a lot to him, and I was glad to go do it. However, the next day I could not find our marriage abstract anywhere. I had to go online and order a new one. Later on, I would discover he had hidden the abstract from
me along with my insurance card (which constantly seemed to be disappearing then reappearing), as well as some jewelry and other personal items I’d assumed had gone missing during our move.

These were not the only incidences that took place but should give you a general idea of how my reality was continually being skewed. Not to mention the man I thought I had married, who was kind, loving, and very affectionate, had turned into someone who was cold, moody, stone walled me at every opportunity, and generally inconsolable.

I started to think I was losing my mind, and I became highly emotional and extremely sensitive in reaction to him. This gave him only more ammunition, as he would say things to me like
“Why are you crying?” or “What is wrong with you?” or “Can’t you take a joke?”

You know what made me finally realize I wasn’t the problem? Wine. I love to drink wine most evenings, but he started complaining about it, even though it had never been an issue while we were dating. I felt guilty, thought maybe he was right, and I stopped drinking wine. That did not fix anything. The only thing it achieved was since he could no longer complain about my
drinking wine, he found some other fault with me. It was a vicious cycle of fault finding where literally, I could not do anything right. Any time I tried to talk about my feelings or perspective on
things, or even made an effort to understand his, he would become defensive and tell me why I was wrong. The gas lighting in my domestic situation reduced me from a confident person who
was always cracking jokes and smiling to a person who was always on the verge of tears and trying to win the affection of my husband. I filed for divorce after six months of marriage.

You may be wondering, “If it was that bad, why did it take so long for you to leave?” Because I thought I was the problem. Even going back and rereading what I’ve written, on paper, it all sounds so trivial. Or one could minimize it to say “Oh, it bugged him a little when you drank wine” or “It hurt his feelings you didn’t go home for the holidays.” All couples have their issues, no doubt. In our case, he was constantly threatening divorce and withholding affection while citing all these things I was doing wrong. And THAT is exactly how gas lighting works! A gas lighter knows how to press your buttons by making a small thing into a big thing, then when you react or adjust accordingly, your response will never be the right one. There will always be something you’re not doing right. It is literally like trying to hit a moving target. Or being expected to pass some sort of test without having ever been given the study guide.If you are in a similar situation, please realize it is not about you or anything you’re doing. Like verbal and physical abuse, gas lighting is about control. By making another person feel inferior, the abuser feels more in charge of his own life. It is impossible to reason with these people, as they completely lack empathy. They cannot see outside of themselves. If you have already tried to talk with the abuser or suggested counseling, there is nothing you can do but walk away. In a normal, healthy relationship, communication is a two way street. Gas lighters will try to convince you there is only one truth— theirs. You were not put here on this earth to fix somebody else or to be responsible for their happiness. Abusive people are not happy with themselves. With gas lighting, it is not uncommon for victims to be beaten down so much psychologically, that just like a dog that has been kicked one too many times, they have outbursts of anger. In my case, I vacillated between sadness and anger, not to mention grief at the loss of the person I thought I’d married. I would feel guilty about being angry, then apologize to him. But this is the end goal of the abuser— whether they realize it or not, the end result is to break you down by getting a reaction from you. And when someone is being abused, sadness, anger, and frustration are all normal reactions.

Next month, we will continue the topic of gas lighting by talking about how it is used in a courtroom setting to manipulate and break down victims. Sadly, gas lighting is done in domestic abuse situations by people we trust and love, but surprisingly just as much in professional settings by people we think are in a position to serve and protect.

Markham Court House Judges.....protect abuser and victimize domestic violence victims...

The victims of domestic violence re-victimized by the courts




















































This is just hateful actions...

When Work Disappears Analysis

 

In constructing a model that identifies the inputs, outcomes and outputs of joblessness according to author William Julius Wilson, a Harvard sociologist, the key acknowledgment that he stresses is the understanding that “ghetto” culture and racism are only minor factors in urban poverty despite popular belief. This analysis will discuss how the New Federalism that has occurred since 1980 serves as one of the key inputs, that has caused the output of insufficient institutional reaction to the problem of social dislocation that has created jobless neighborhoods, and according to Wilson must be combated with the output of programs which are modeled after those which were prevalent during the Great Depression that seek to address any and everyone who is in need of a job instead of those solely contingent upon skill or qualifications.

            According to Wilson, since 1980 the New Federalism has insisted there be a more localized response to social problems, which was manifested through drastic cuts in spending on basic urban problems at a time when the exact opposite was most needed. Essentially, as the targeted start of “white-flight” was occurring, and the former primary enticement of commerce and social organization was fleeing to the suburbs, the federal government was also abandoning the inner-city which created a complete abandonment of resources that were necessary to sustain social order and typical community life.

            Additionally, Wilson asserts that the inevitable outcome of such a set of circumstances was destined to be the recipe for joblessness in the inner-city. Specifically, most communities must have a thriving economic source to ensure that greatly needed social institutions that deal with the issues of joblessness, poverty, crime and other influential factors. Before the New Federalism of the 1980’s, when extenuating circumstances occurred (i.e. a major job provider such as a factory or mill closing down) the funding that was provided by the federal government assisted in financing the various social organizations within the community that assisted individuals with locating alternative employment options. However, when the federal government transitioned to the New Federalism which forced local communities to create such income revenues to support these kinds of programs and social organizations, it all but guaranteed that the communities who were rapidly approaching poverty were all but guaranteed to arrive at such a place because of the lack of funding for greatly needed social institutions and programs.

            Subsequently, the output which Wilson propagates will be the most effective in dealing with such an input is a shift in the federal approach to joblessness in inner-cities. He utilizes the approach which was most successful during the most desolate economic tenure in United States history—the Great Depression. That approach consisted of public policy that generated jobs that were committed to employing anyone who needed a job, as opposed to the current job market which has a heightened focus on an individual’s education and experience qualifications. By doing this, Wilson argues that in areas where joblessness (which is the primary cause of poverty) is rampant the opportunity for individuals to overcome that predicating factor is neutralized, which in turn neutralizes the overall issue of poverty.

            Finally, in attempting to gauge the likelihood and plausibility of such an output, one must examine the contemporary perspective concerning the role of the federal government. Typically, the Republican perspective concerning federal intervention in issues such as poverty, joblessness and the disinvested is a resistant or hesitant one. Most Republicans feel that the federal government should engage in as little social intervention on a localized level as possible, and because the current administration and previous Congressional composition is/was Republican, it’s hard to imagine that such legislation that would be necessary to accomplish such a purpose could be conceived from such a government. However, as has been witnessed by the unimagined or anticipated support that Democratic candidate Barack Obama has received on the basis of a campaign rooted in hope and the possibility for political change guarantees that there must be a considerable segment of the country that is willing to consider the possibility of a change to a more unified approach to overcoming poverty than what currently exists. Thus, it’s just as possible for such legislation to emerge in the upcoming years as is the chance of Obama being the captain of such change.

 

 

JUSTICE SYSTEM

Deardorff, P.A., Ficke, S.L., Hart, K.J. The Performance of Incarcerated Juveniles on the MacArthur Competence Assessment Tool-Criminal Adjudication (MacCAT-CA). 2006. Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law Online, Vol. 34, No. 3, pp. 360 – 373. This study examines the performance of 247 juveniles on the MacCAT-CA test, in addition to a myriad of other variables. The purpose of the study was to compare and contrast how the scores of juveniles who were in the court appointed systems and those who weren’t, for the overall sake of illuminating how deficient the court system was/is. The other variables were measured for the sake of determining achievement and intelligence levels as well as obtaining psychoanalysis of the juveniles. This study offers valuable insight into how the process of justice is in many instances anything but just.

We need follow up!

Learning Theories

Two of the seven theories I would address outline the major key elements to developing a successful learning environment.  Constructivism and Behaviorism theory would enhance the student and teacher relationship.  Teachers that utilize these two methods find a more engaging and positive learning environment.

Constructivism

I do believe constructivism theory is a wonder tool that allows teachers to encourage their students to use their knowledge from previous courses.  Therefore, students are successful with using this theory because it gives confidence and prompts student and instructor interaction.

One of the examples I can give would be my BA degree in Criminal Justice. There were several of the major courses that give me preexisting conceptions that assisted me with any additional courses.  It was very helpful in communicating my experiences and engaging with my professors.

Behaviorism Theory

This theory is a very complex learning tool, which is unfittingly taught in many classrooms.  It has positive and negative effects on student’s performance within the classroom and online setting.  The negative effect to behaviorism theory is like a person having tunnel vision; everyone that drives the same route everyday does not always forget how he or she got home.  Therefore, most students need day-by-day reinforcement. The positive would give rewarding the students who does not need the instructor to give everyday detail instruction in order to complete class assignment.

What we know....

 According to an article titled “Welfare as we know it” by Jesse Walker; in 2005 “If you add together the money the federal government spends on health care, housing, food, and income support for the poor, the total constitutes more than 16 percent of the budget.”

According to a report titled “From Poverty to Self-Sufficiency: The Role of Postsecondary Education in Welfare Reform” by the Center for Women Policy Studies, “By the 1990’s, AFDC supported 15 percent of all U.S. children. In most cases, these children lived at home and were cared for by a single parent, usually the mother, who otherwise did not work.”

According to an article titled “Welfare reform: how do we measure success?” by Daniel T. Lichter and Rukamalie Jayakody, “By 1994, more of the nation’s needy families, elderly, and disabled received federal welfare than ever before. AFDC alone supported more than 14 million children and their parents.”  

“In August 1996, after 18 months of debate, Congress passed and President Clinton signed into law the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Act. This welfare reform law ended 61 years of AFDC guaranteed cash assistance to every eligible poor family with children. The new law turned over to the states the authority to design their own welfare programs and to move recipients to work.” (Constitutional Rights Foundation, 1998)

According to the Illinois General Assembly House Bill 90_HB1460, “305 ILCS 5/12-4.32 new Amends the Public Aid Code. Requires the Department of Public Aid to implement a family responsibility program for AFDC recipients to provide education, employability-skills training, and other services designed to make program participants self-sufficient.”

Why did I do the Research?

To explore the influences of publicly facilitated programs on inner-city families. The primary observation method for this research analysis of the publicly facilitated program of welfare and other forms of government assistance will be an inner city public aid office.

What did I find out?

The system of dependency has not only remained synonymous with the welfare programs around the country, but unfortunately it’s become a moot issue as a result of its locality, and that in itself is a dependency problem that is hundreds of years old.

 

Variables that was used

The impact that such programs have on families from a social, educational, physical, financial and professional perspective are grave.

The accidental process will include visit(s) to an inner-city public aid office to examine the process at its most basic level, and gather data concerning the results, goals, expectations and ideology from all parties involved in the process.

Summary

Currently the priorities of the American people are focused in directions other than public assistance and aid. As a result the culture that exists is allowed to not only sustain and fester, but also cultivate and expand in ideology. The concepts of personal responsibility and work opportunity that were the cornerstones of Clinton’s 1996 legislation are now afterthoughts in the public peripheral, and because of that the repercussions are destined to be more than detrimental for society as a whole.

     The concept of agency should be the foundational and fundamental building block of any government or public facilitated organization, program or assistance. Creating and cultivating a culture of independence is what the United States of America was established upon, and in order for that culture to continue, there has to be a commitment to nurturing, grooming and fostering such an ideology, on a national and mass scale. The current system of public assistance has long been criticized for not doing a great job of fostering such a system. This research document showed issues addressing the legitimacy of such a critique, and provide insight into how or why it has become categorically known as a failure with respect to inciting agency within its participatory pool.

     The accidental process showed include visit(s) to an inner-city public aid office to examine the process at its most basic level, and gather data concerning the results, goals, expectations and ideology from all parties involved in the process. Other accidental showed conversations with government officials that are familiar with the process and a part of the process, families that have been involved with the process in one-fashion or form, as well as community officials that have witnessed some of the results of the process firsthand.

Ultimately the research document produced an intricate and in depth analysis of how the public assistance and aid process both cultivates and fosters a culture of dependency or independency.

Decreasing Drug Incaracertion

Abramson, Jeffery. “We the Jury: The Jury System and the Ideal of Democracy.” (1995). Courts and Law Review, Vol. 5, No. 3, pp. 111 – 115. This book evaluates historical court cases that have embodied and/or contradicted the democratic model of consensus which is supposed to be present during the deliberation process during the conclusive stages and steps. This book provides a myriad of proposals that advance the potential to eliminate the peremptory challenge and the honest use of jury nullification. Other aspects of the book include an evaluation and analysis on the recently mandated cross-section representation for juries, as well as scientific jury selection and the legitimization of state power through juries as well as a common justice above social divisions. This text provides an in depth look at the jury selection process, and the immense role it plays in the concept of justice.